“Yeah, Totally!”: Don’t confuse interest with commitment

yesno-tee

Photo by Chris Palmieri

“So, do you wanna help?”

“Yeah, totally!”

When you’re doing something big and interesting (like, oh, say, organizing an online community) and are looking for people to help, please, for the love of niches and all that matters to you, understand that not all yeah totallys are created equal.

Here are some of the ones I’ve come across:

“Yeah, I totally think what you’re doing is great, and I’m going to be super supportive whenever you talk to me about it. I’ll even Twitter about it!

“Yeah, I totally want to hear more about how I can help. Please give me more info so I can think seriously about the details.

“Yeah, totally, I’m excited to help in whatever way you need! But you should know that I get excited about lots of things, and something else might be more exciting to me next week, and that might take up some of the time I’m promising you. You understand, right?”

“Yeah, I totally want to help, but only if I find the work satisfying.”

“Yeah, I totally want to help, but only when I’m available.”

“Yeah, I totally want to help, but only if it’s something I’m really good at.”

“Yeah, I totally want you to feel supported.  I also know that you know I’m really busy, so by ‘help,’ you’re just asking me to be interested, think about it sometimes, and offer a hand or idea if the moment seems right… right?”

“Yeah, totally. And that job description you just asked me to commit to seems fair enough. But I also know you contacted me because I’m bringing my own skills and interests to the table, so I’m just going to adjust it to fit what works for me. That’s cool, right?”

“Yeah, totally.  … and by ‘help’ you mean ‘sleep together,’ right? Oh, I knew you were looking at me that way for a reason. Of course! Just tell me where I ‘sign up’ *wink wink*.”

“Yeah, totally. And that means you’ll help on my project just as much, right?”

“Yeah, totally. I’m committed to your project and I trust your judgment. I’ll let you know if your requests don’t fit what I’m able to do, but overall, yes, I’m in. Tell me where and how.

That last one is gold. But it’s not the same as all the ones before it, even if you want it to be.

And here’s the real kicker. The person saying “Yeah, totally” probably doesn’t know which one they mean.  All they know is that they’re interested. Chances are they need to know what committing will feel like before they can affirm what they’re in for.  It’s your job to help them feel it out.

It’s also your job to stay alert to the possibility that their yeah totally might mean something other than what you’re hoping for, and to work with that whenever their real interest is as soon as it becomes evident.

Accept their real interest. Be grateful for it. Don’t get bitter about it.

Unless they’re just trying to sleep with you. Then you can slap them.

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The Four Laws of Volunteerism

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

When helping out with an unfunded community project — which we do simply because we love it and we want it to exist in the world — everything we do is subject to the Laws of Volunteerism.

These laws, as far as I can tell, are as follows:

Law #1: Our predicted involvement will be bigger than our actual involvement. The energy and excitement that we have at the beginning of a project is rarely sustainable at its peak levels, and the actual time we can invest in a project over the long-term needs to have a realistic bare minimum.

Law #2: We will mostly do things that are either urgent or methodical. Give us a fire to put out, and we’ll jump on it. Give us task to repeat every week, and we’ll turn it into a habit. But ask us to think about something new every day without attaching a major deadline to it?  Yeah, sorry, we’d love to, but maybe you can find someone else to jump in…

Law #3: We need to see that our work is helping others in order to keep doing it. As volunteers, we are fueled by the positive impact we have on others, and we lose momentum when that’s harder to see. If we don’t release early and often, if no one else on the team is helped by what we do, or if we simply just feel like we’re working in a vacuum, we’ll run out of steam.

Law #4: Real life will get in the way. Job stress, moving, breakups, illness, overwhelm, family issues, school, travel, projects, personal transitions, and other forms of Real Life don’t stop knocking. Ever. Volunteering is a commitment, but it’s a rather secondary commitment to, say, staying alive and healthy, and we have to remain flexible as our own availabilities change.

These laws aren’t so bad. As long as we remember them and respect them, we can find our way.

(based on The Process, the Laws, and Dreaming vs. Doing from my personal blog.)

The Four Laws of Volunteerism

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

When helping out with an unfunded community project — which we do simply because we love it and we want it to exist in the world — everything we do is subject to the Laws of Volunteerism.

These laws, as far as I can tell, are as follows:

Law #1: Our predicted involvement will be bigger than our actual involvement. The energy and excitement that we have at the beginning of a project is rarely sustainable at its peak levels, and the actual time we can invest in a project over the long-term needs to have a realistic bare minimum.

Law #2: We will mostly do things that are either urgent or methodical. Give us a fire to put out, and we’ll jump on it. Give us task to repeat every week, and we’ll turn it into a habit. But ask us to think about something new every day without attaching a major deadline to it?  Yeah, sorry, we’d love to, but maybe you can find someone else to jump in…

Law #3: We need to see that our work is helping others in order to keep doing it. As volunteers, we are fueled by the positive impact we have on others, and we lose momentum when that’s harder to see. If we don’t release early and often, if no one else on the team is helped by what we do, or if we simply just feel like we’re working in a vacuum, we’ll run out of steam.

Law #4: Real life will get in the way. Job stress, moving, breakups, illness, overwhelm, family issues, school, travel, projects, personal transitions, and other forms of Real Life don’t stop knocking. Ever. Volunteering is a commitment, but it’s a rather secondary commitment to, say, staying alive and healthy, and we have to remain flexible as our own availabilities change.

These laws aren’t so bad. As long as we remember them and respect them, we can find our way.

(based on The Process, the Laws, and Dreaming vs. Doing from my personal blog.)

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The Four Laws of Volunteerism

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

When helping out with an unfunded community project — which we do simply because we love it and we want it to exist in the world — everything we do is subject to the Laws of Volunteerism.

These laws, as far as I can tell, are as follows:

Law #1:

Law #1: Our predicted involvement will be bigger than our actual involvement. The energy and excitement that we have at the beginning of a project is rarely sustainable at its peak levels, and the actual time we can invest in a project over the long-term needs to have a realistic bare minimum.

Law #2: We will mostly do things that are either urgent or methodical. Give us a fire to put out, and we’ll jump on it. Give us task to repeat every week, and we’ll turn it into a habit. But ask us to think about something new every day without attaching a major deadline to it?  Yeah, sorry, we’d love to, but maybe you can find someone else to jump in…

Law #3: We need to see that our work is helping others in order to keep doing it. As volunteers, we are fueled by the positive impact we have on others, and we lose momentum when that’s harder to see. If we don’t release early and often, if no one else on the team is helped by what we do, or if we simply just feel like we’re working in a vacuum, we’ll run out of steam.

Law #4: Real life will get in the way. Job stress, moving, breakups, illness, overwhelm, family issues, school, travel, projects, personal transitions, and other forms of Real Life don’t stop knocking. Ever. Volunteering is a commitment, but it’s a rather secondary commitment to, say, staying alive and healthy, and we have to remain flexible as our own availabilities change.

These laws aren’t so bad. As long as we remember them and respect them, we can find our way.

(based on The Process, the Laws, and Dreaming vs. Doing from my personal blog.)

Keep browsing by Category:
No Comments »

The Four Laws of Volunteerism

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

When helping out with an unfunded community project — which we do simply because we love it and we want it to exist in the world — everything we do is subject to the Laws of Volunteerism.

These laws, as far as I can tell, are as follows:

Law #1:

Law #1: Our predicted involvement will be bigger than our actual involvement. The energy and excitement that we have at the beginning of a project is rarely sustainable at its peak levels, and the actual time we can invest in a project over the long-term needs to have a realistic bare minimum.

Law #2: We will mostly do things that are either urgent or methodical. Give us a fire to put out, and we’ll jump on it. Give us task to repeat every week, and we’ll turn it into a habit. But ask us to think about something new every day without attaching a major deadline to it?  Yeah, sorry, we’d love to, but maybe you can find someone else to jump in…

Law #3: We need to see that our work is helping others in order to keep doing it. As volunteers, we are fueled by the positive impact we have on others, and we lose momentum when that’s harder to see. If we don’t release early and often, if no one else on the team is helped by what we do, or if we simply just feel like we’re working in a vacuum, we’ll run out of steam.

Law #4: Real life will get in the way. Job stress, moving, breakups, illness, overwhelm, family issues, school, travel, projects, personal transitions, and other forms of Real Life don’t stop knocking. Ever. Volunteering is a commitment, but it’s a rather secondary commitment to, say, staying alive and healthy, and we have to remain flexible as our own availabilities change.

These laws aren’t so bad. As long as we remember them and respect them, we can find our way.

(based on The Process, the Laws, and Dreaming vs. Doing from my personal blog.)

Keep browsing by Category:
No Comments »

The Four Laws of Volunteerism

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

"Show of Hands" By Jesse Kuhn from rawtoastdesign.com

When helping out with an unfunded community project — which we do simply because we love it and we want it to exist in the world — everything we do is subject to the Laws of Volunteerism.

These laws, as far as I can tell, are as follows:

Law #1: Our predicted involvement will be bigger than our actual involvement. The energy and excitement that we have at the beginning of a project is rarely sustainable at its peak levels, and the actual time we can invest in a project over the long-term needs to have a realistic bare minimum.

Law #2: We will mostly do things that are either urgent or methodical. Give us a fire to put out, and we’ll jump on it. Give us task to repeat every week, and we’ll turn it into a habit. But ask us to think about something new every day without attaching a major deadline to it?  Yeah, sorry, we’d love to, but maybe you can find someone else to jump in…

Law #3: We need to see that our work is helping others in order to keep doing it. As volunteers, we are fueled by the positive impact we have on others, and we lose momentum when that’s harder to see. If we don’t release early and often, if no one else on the team is helped by what we do, or if we simply just feel like we’re working in a vacuum, we’ll run out of steam.

Law #4: Real life will get in the way. Job stress, moving, breakups, illness, overwhelm, family issues, school, travel, projects, personal transitions, and other forms of Real Life don’t stop knocking. Ever. Volunteering is a commitment, but it’s a rather secondary commitment to, say, staying alive and healthy, and we have to remain flexible as our own availabilities change.

These laws aren’t so bad. As long as we remember them and respect them, we can find our way.

(based on The Process, the Laws, and Dreaming vs. Doing from my personal blog.)

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